I cant wait to be nervous!

Ok, sorry its been so long. Its seems I have been waiting and waiting, now its getting closer and Im just getting more and more nervous! Im going to start BCP in July, when I get my next period. Probably around the 10th. We are supposed to go on vacation that day too. We have been saving money for this next round and talking about it alot, but now it seems to be getting real! What it it doesnt work again??? What if it does??? Sounds crazy right? All I want is another child. This is all I think about. If I get pregnant, what will I worry about then??? I have to worry about something....this is who I am. This IVF life is now my life, my life revolves around it. Not that its a good thing, but its the truth. What happens when its not me anymore. I guess I will move on to pregnant life .... I almost am afraid of who I'll be after IVF is over.

I know Im getting WAY ahead of myself here. This could very well not work again. If thats the case, I will have enough to worry about. This will be Z and I's last shot at another baby. We flat out cannot do this again. With no fertility coverage in our health plan, it puts quite a financial strain on us. I am in the process now of getting my meds. I am buying them online for way less, and some sucessful IVF'rs have even said they would donate some to mee. Im keeping my fingers crossed there! Every bit helps.

So, I sit and I wait, I bite my nails and lie awake at night. Hoping that this will be it, and worrying about IF this is it.

I will post agin when I start the pill