Merry Christmas from Aunt Flow

Well, I knew I would get my period, but on Christmas really??? Give me a break! I was just starting to get my hopes up. I had tested BFN(big Fat Negative) on 17 dpo, so I figured that this month was a lost cause. But I think those of us struggling with infertility, always find some hope, whether it be real or not. So yes, I was hopeful. After all it is December, My birthday, my daughters birthday and Christmas. If I was going to get lucky, it would be now! My period was late, and it never is. I woke up Christmas day and still no AF. I was very excited. We had a wonderful Christmas. We had dinner at our house with family. After everyone had left I decided I would find a store open and go get a pregnancy test. I dont have 1 left in the house, I think I went through 40 in the last 3 weeks! I was getting ready to leave and BAM, here she was. My period! Needless to say, I was very upset. I was quickly brought back to reality. Bummer.

So here we go again. Another cycle of clomid. Another cycle of high hopes, and probably another let down. I dont know how many more times I can do this. It is a viscous cycle. I dont know when to throw in the towel. Not yet......but when? At some point I have say enough, and move on. I just cant imagine every being Ok with that. That is the hardest part, knowing that I might have to be.

Christmas is coming!

I love Christmas, it is my favorite Holiday. The month of December is a very busy month and stressful, but always worth it. My daughters Birthday is this month, as well as mine, my father and brother in law. This year we are doing Christmas dinner at our home, and I cant wait! I love cooking, decorating and family. The picture is of our kids, K and Billy. K was in a Holiday parade with our GirlScout troop, so after the parade was a perfect opportunity for our Holiday picture. I hope you all enjoy.

As far as baby news, or no news I should say. Nothing new. We just tried naturally this month. By "naturally" I mean 100mg clomid. That is "natural" for us. I am not very hopeful, but Im holding out for my Christmas Miracle. Other then that, just alot of praying. Are you allowed to pray for a baby? Hee Hee. Well, "allowed " to or not, I am doing it.

I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday, and you all get what you wished for!

Im Thankfull For....

As I packed last night for out Thanksgiving trip, I had laundry to do, a house to clean, and a daughter to pack for. With everything that has been going on lately I have have been dragging my butt! I was not looking forward to getting ready to leave, I just wanted to be there already! My husband did most of the laundry, my daughter packed herself and we ordered dinner out. Wow, this made things allot better! Today we are all packed and ready to go. I may complain alot about many things, but I truly have alot to be thankful for. So this week, I will not be sad for the things that I don't have. I will be thankful for all the wonderful things that I already have. I get to spend Thanksgiving with my family, which many people don't get the opportunity to do. That right there is enough for me.
So I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving, and finds something that they can be thankful for.

Another BFN (big FAT Negative)

I started spotting today. AF is on the way. I knew our odds of getting pregnant with an iui were low, but I really had hope. This seems to sting more than ever. I am starting to feel like I will never have another child. That our miracle daughter will never have a sibling. She will never know that unconditional sibling love that my husband and myself are so lucky to have. I never thought that she would be an only child. Not like that is the end of the world or anything, its just not my plan. I guess what I have learned through all of this is, my plan doesnt matter. God obviously has another one for us.

I dont know where this leaves us. I do know that I wont be going back to our RE anytime soon. I am done with doctors. I have no faith in them right now. I am just sad and tired. I am not at the point however, that I am ok with not having another baby. I dont feel like I will ever be complete without that. I feel bad saying that, because I couldnt ask for a better husband or daughter. I am very grateful for them . My daughter seems like more of a miracle every day. My husband is a breath of fresh air, he can make me smile anytime, and for that brief moment, I forget about all of this. That is a gift. I have a wonderful life, thats why I want to share it with another child so badly.

I guess I will have to wait and see.

12 dpiui and 11 dpo

Today I am 11 days past ovulation and 12 days past our iui. I have been testing everyday! Still nothing. There is always the one beautiful control line, and then of course the stark white area that I pray one day will show that second line. I thought for sure that 2nd line would be there today. I had held my pee all night and couldnt wait to get up and test. I was so excited as I pee'd on that stick! I waired and looked and nothing! I then placed it on top of the toilet and went to take my shower. I knew for sure that 2nd line would be there when I got out. It wasnt. I through the test away and promised myself not to test until Friday, which will be 15 dpiui. I can already tell that wont happen. I already want to go home and pee! I knew that the odds of this working were low, but that still doesnt make this easier. So here I sit, praying that I have a late implanter and my HCG levels jsut arent high enough to turn a test poistive. Which could very well be the case. I still have cramps and lower back ache, and boobs are tingly! So those are great signs. Every little wave of nausea thrills me. So I will update when I test again. Supposedly on Friday, but maybe sooner!

6 DPIUI ( days past IUI)

I am now 6 dpiui. This wait is killing me. I have been cramping since the iui. I think that is a good sign, but I no better than to get my hopes up at all. With all the disappointment in the past, I dont know, if I ever DO get pregnant, if I will be able to believe it! I will test on Sunday, which will be 10 dpiui. I know that it will still be early, but I cant wait!

11/06/2008 IUI Complete!

Well we didi the IUI this morning. Before we left the house this morning my husband gave his "sample" to me. I carefully slid it in between my boobs! It needed to stay warm, and I figured that was the warmest accessible place! I thought this until I had to pull it out of my shirt in the DR office! Anyway, it made it safely there. I left and came back an hour and a half later. They did the insemination. Simple painless and over very quickly. I have some mild cramps but that is all. Much easier than IVF! So now we wait. I dont know how I will get through another 2 week wait! Hopefully this one will have a happy ending.