Almost There!!!

Hi all! It has been a really long time and I am so sorry. I have been so busy getting ready for our new little girl! I am doing really well. She is due in 4 weeks!!! I still cant believe that she is really going to be here. We have decided to name her Taylor Ryan. Ryan is my husband middle name.

We had a 4D ultrasound done last week and she is almost 6 lbs already. That is the same weight our first daughter was when she was born. If I make it all the way to Oct. 31, she is going to be a big girl :-)

Her room is almost all done, and it is beautiful! I had a baby shower last weeken that was wonderful. It was a sunday brunch with great friend and family.o many amazing thing, Im so excited to use them all.

I am postin a 4D picture of our little one. Please enjoy it. I promise I will try to post more often. But we are doing good, just ready to not be pregnant anymore...never thought I'd ever say that!

Its a .....

Girl! We are having another baby girl. We went for a 4d scan at 16.5 weeks. I tech new right away. The 4d scan was really neat and really kinda creepy. I think it was too early for a 4d scan. You could see everything, and because she is not developed yet, she looked like a perfect alien! Out 10 year old went with us and was really grossed out. I dont blame her a bit!! I will post the alien pictures when I get a chance. I am very excited to start shopping for the nursery! I still cant believe we are having another baby! Yippeeee

Ultrasound Picture

Ok here is the picture of our nuchal fold testing ultrasound. Sorry it took so long to post. It is not a great copy of the picture either, but at least its something!!! So here is our perfect little baby! Introducing for the first time...

Baby J

Nuchal Fold Scan

So last week we went in for our NT scan. They check for abnormalities in the baby. The baby looked great! What a big difference 7 weeks makes. Our last ultrasound was 7 weeks ago and the baby looked like a jelly bean at most. At the scan, baby looked like an actual baby. We were SO happy to hear everything looked great and to see that perfect beating heart. The baby was flopping all around and turning. He/She was beautiful. I am having a hard time posting the pictures, so I will have to do that later. I also got a fetal doppler and am listening to the baby's heart beat daily, what an amazing sound. So we are slowly plugging away. I am feeling really good the last week or so, I hope it keeps up! I have another Dr. appt today, and I will let you all know how it goes.

On a sad note, our dog is sick. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma. We are devastated. We have him on a special diet and meds, so we are hoping to prolong his life as long as possible. He might only have 30 days though. Are daughter really wants him to meet the new baby. We all hope so. Poor Billy, he is the best dog ever. Hang in there. We love you

Almost 11 Weeks!!!

Im am so happy that we have come this far! I cant believe tht I am almost 11 weeks. I still am not feeling very good. Lots of food aversions and tons of heart burn...but thats ok as long as this baby is doing ok. I gained 7 pounds right of the bat and I was a bit worried, but I havent gained anymore. I think as soon as we found out I was actually pregnant, I started eating like crazy. So thats were that came from.

We go for our nuchal fold testing in about 2 weeks. I am very excited. We will get another ultrasound, so that will make me feel a little better. Im just so nervous still.

My daughter had a play date yesterday and we decorated Easter cookies with her. In the middle of decorating, she says " Mom, since Dad got to do it with me, do you think I can cut the umbilical cord for the baby?" I about fell out of my seat! My 10 year old wants to cut thie cord? So sweet and funny. I hadnt even really thought about the delivery and how involved she would be. I guess Z and I will have to talk and see what we think is best for her. Anyway, I thought that was pretty cute.

Other than that I cant think of anything else. I will be back!!

I know...I am the worst blogger ever!

Im so sorry. I have been very busy and have not had time to update. Yes, I am still pregnant. I am really starting to believe it now. I feel terrible. I am also completely ok with that. I went back to the Dr. a few weeks ago, just to go ever everything. Z and I will go in a few weeks for our sequential screening. It is an in depth ultrasound and blood test. It is an early test for Downs and some other disabilities. We are really looking forward to it. I am 9weeks and 3 days pregnant today. I am starting to get a little bump, but it is mostly fat:) I am starving all of the time, but cant think of anything to eat! Ughh, very frustrating, but once again, I can deal with that. I m having a baby!!!!

Im sorry I havent put the ultrasound pictures up yet either, but as soon as I can scan them I will!

Ultrasound Update

Sorry I havent updated since our ultrasound. It was wonderful though. I have been meaning to scan the pictures , but of course havent. We went in and they did an internal ultrasound and found our little bean. It was about the size of a pea! Its little heart was beating away. I t was wonderful to see. A huge sense of relief washed over me. I feel much more secure about this pregnancy. We have been to too many ultrasounds where they say..." I'm sorry, but the baby doesnt have a heartbeat". So we were very happy. I go back to the doctor this week. I PROMISE I will update then.



We had a busy weekend. My daughters school Carnival, that I help with was Sunday. It was a lot of fun, but exhausting! I am still tired. I hope I can catch up on my sleep this week.

My beta more than doubled!

Sorry I havent posted, but I was on vacation. We took a week and went to Texas to visit relatives. While I was there, we got a call from our doctor telling us our second beta, which was 19dpo was 1840! Yaaay, we are so happy. It really was a relief.

Today I am 6wks1day pregnant and am really starting to feel crappy. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was going to puke, but never did. The awful feeling just lingered for about an hour. Not what I want to be doing at 3 in the morning. This morning it is even worse. Dont get me wrong...I am not complaining. I have waited too long for this to happen to start complaining. I just dont remember feeling this bad. oh well.

We go for our first ultrasound on wed. evening. We are SO excited! I am still nervous, but I feel really good about this. I will update on wed. after our appointment. Keep your fingers crossed!

Beta Results

So I had a beta on 17dpo. I had to wait until yesterday for the results, and they are ....... 874! WooHooo!I cant believe it, I am so excited. I went again this morning for another beta, but I wont have those results until Monday. I wish they could just tell you right away. The doctor wants to make sure my numbers our doubling, so lets all cross our fingers!

We had our Girl scout " Father Daughter Dance" last night. It was so fun. The girls all felt so special. It was really neat to see all the Dads dancing with their daughters. Our daughter had a wonderful time. When we got home we told K that we had something for her. She was very curious. We handed her a little package. Inside of it was a book, with the title "Im a Big Sister". As she opened it Z asked her "Have you read that one already?". She screamed when it set in. She is one happy camper, just like the rest of us. I know it is early to start telling people, but I figure I will want all the support I can get if something bad were to happen, so why not tell people. Im not superstitious, and it makes me happy to tell people, and I think I deserve to be happy. So world...Im Pregnant!

4 weeks 2day preggers!

I still really dont believe it. I keep testing, just to make sure that it is still positive, and it is! I am just in shock. I am going to my new OB tomorrow. She wanted to see me early because of our past history and losses. I am glad I get to go so early, I need some peace of mind. I need a doctor to tell me that there is really a baby in there. I will be glad to meet my new doctor as well. My last Ob, the one that delivered my daughter, has since retired from delivering babies. So it will be good to meet the new one. I dont think very much will happen tomorrow, but I am still very excited! I of course will update as soon as I can.

We havent told many people yet, just our parents and sibling, and a coupe friend of ours that know what we have been through. I am still nervous that something might happen, I think I will be nervous throughout my pregnancy.

Thank you for sweet comments. I love knowing that there are some out there reading this. It always made me feel better reading about others struggles with infertility, it made me feel less alone. I hope I can help just one person get through a tough time, and give someone hope.

Im sorry, but I dont recognise this. Do you?

Ok, so I have only seen these with one pink line, this one has two????

Holy Crap people! Im pregnant. I got a BFP at 11 dpo, I had already given up hope, but I had some extra pregnancy tests, so I peed. Then there it was, a light, but pink line! I thought I was losing my mind. I wasnt. I have since taken 4 more and they are all positive. I cannot believe this day has come. I will update more when I have some time, and my brain is functioning again!

9 dpo

I tested again this morning, I did yesterday as well. It was another BFN. I know it is still early, but seeing only 1 line is just devastating. I know there is still hope, but I dont have much left. Im getting tired of all of this. I thought by taking a "break" off IVF, that it would give me a second win. But all these months of naturally trying, just reminds me, that I am broken. I know I shouldn't say that, especially if you all have infertility, but I feel broken. I am young, healthy and happy...and broken. I cant help but become upset almost on daily bases about Octuplet mom. I know I dont get to decide who gets to have kids and who doesnt. But this woman makes me crazy! Why does she need 14 children. She doesnt even have a job! I feel like she single handily "used up" all my chances of having my own baby. I know I probably sound like a nut job, I quite possibly could be, but come on. Are you kidding me??

I will test again tomorrow and will log in to let you all know. Sighh

4 DPO and Obsessing!

Ok so today I am obsessing. I am only 4 days past ovulation and thrilled everyime I feel any little twinge! Even if I am pregnant, I couldnt possibly even be "actually" pregnant. The embryo would have even implanted yet. But still I sit hoping for cramps or anything! I felt very sick last night and was very excited, then realized I probably just ate too many meatballs:(

So here I sit and wait and pray of course. I hope the time flies by so I can test!

On a happier note, Valentines Day is Saturday and I am very excited! We never go out to eat because its just too crazy, but we always have a nice dinner together a home, including our daughter. She loves Valentines Day.

Happy Love day to you all!

Back in the waiting game. 1 Dpo

Well, we are back from Grandma Junes funeral. It was a very emotional trip. The service was beautiful though. We were able to see alot of family that we hadn't seen in a long time. I'm very glad we were able to go. While we were there, some of us girls had to go through her jewelry, to see what we would like to have of hers. This was very difficult. When we were looking through, I found a necklace with a picture of my husband as a baby on it. It is precious, so special that she had kept it all these years. I now wear it around my neck. What a wonderful gift from Grandma June.

As for us. I am officially 1 dpo. The injections went well, and so did the trigger shot. I have a good feeling about this cycle! I haven't felt good about a cycle in awhile, so maybe this is a good sign. I will keep you all updated. I will be POAS(peeing on a stick) as soon as I can. That will be whenever the trigger shot will be out of my system. They will give you a false positive on a pregnancy test.

So probably in about 9 days, I will be posting about that. I'm sure I'll be back with a list of imaginary 2WW symptoms!

Up Next...Injectable Cycle

Well, we are not ready for another IVF. Not financially or emotionally. So we are going to try an injectable cycle. I will be on Gonal F for 7 days, then a trigger shot. This should hopefully produce more and better quality eggs. More targets, better chance of pregnancy. So I hope this will go well. I am slowly but surely losing hope. I keep trying to picture my life with only 1 child, and its hard. I know I am SO lucky to have her, but it still hurts.

Z and I leave tomorrow for Missouri. Z's grandmother passed away. We are very sad, but at peace with the fact that she is no longer suffering. What a wonderful woman she was. She was quite possible the strongest woman I have ever met. We will miss her very much.

I will be away from the computer for a few days, but will update on my injections when I return.

Happy New Year

I hope everyone had a wonderful New years! We had a great one. We spent it with some friends at our house. It was a lot of fun.

As for me, Im still not pregnant. I am hoping 2009 will bring us our baby. We have quite a few friends who are expecting. I am truly happy for them, but I wont lie, it makes me sad as well. It makes me sad for me. I feel like I have been through enough, I deserve the right to be selfish sometimes. It is the hardest when shopping for a baby gift. I see all the things that I long to buy, and wonder why I dont get to. I go through ups and downs. I know there are so many others going through the same thing as us, but I still feel so alone.

Here to starting fresh! I hope the new year brings you all you hope for.

Merry Christmas from Aunt Flow

Well, I knew I would get my period, but on Christmas really??? Give me a break! I was just starting to get my hopes up. I had tested BFN(big Fat Negative) on 17 dpo, so I figured that this month was a lost cause. But I think those of us struggling with infertility, always find some hope, whether it be real or not. So yes, I was hopeful. After all it is December, My birthday, my daughters birthday and Christmas. If I was going to get lucky, it would be now! My period was late, and it never is. I woke up Christmas day and still no AF. I was very excited. We had a wonderful Christmas. We had dinner at our house with family. After everyone had left I decided I would find a store open and go get a pregnancy test. I dont have 1 left in the house, I think I went through 40 in the last 3 weeks! I was getting ready to leave and BAM, here she was. My period! Needless to say, I was very upset. I was quickly brought back to reality. Bummer.

So here we go again. Another cycle of clomid. Another cycle of high hopes, and probably another let down. I dont know how many more times I can do this. It is a viscous cycle. I dont know when to throw in the towel. Not yet......but when? At some point I have say enough, and move on. I just cant imagine every being Ok with that. That is the hardest part, knowing that I might have to be.

Christmas is coming!

I love Christmas, it is my favorite Holiday. The month of December is a very busy month and stressful, but always worth it. My daughters Birthday is this month, as well as mine, my father and brother in law. This year we are doing Christmas dinner at our home, and I cant wait! I love cooking, decorating and family. The picture is of our kids, K and Billy. K was in a Holiday parade with our GirlScout troop, so after the parade was a perfect opportunity for our Holiday picture. I hope you all enjoy.

As far as baby news, or no news I should say. Nothing new. We just tried naturally this month. By "naturally" I mean 100mg clomid. That is "natural" for us. I am not very hopeful, but Im holding out for my Christmas Miracle. Other then that, just alot of praying. Are you allowed to pray for a baby? Hee Hee. Well, "allowed " to or not, I am doing it.

I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday, and you all get what you wished for!

Im Thankfull For....

As I packed last night for out Thanksgiving trip, I had laundry to do, a house to clean, and a daughter to pack for. With everything that has been going on lately I have have been dragging my butt! I was not looking forward to getting ready to leave, I just wanted to be there already! My husband did most of the laundry, my daughter packed herself and we ordered dinner out. Wow, this made things allot better! Today we are all packed and ready to go. I may complain alot about many things, but I truly have alot to be thankful for. So this week, I will not be sad for the things that I don't have. I will be thankful for all the wonderful things that I already have. I get to spend Thanksgiving with my family, which many people don't get the opportunity to do. That right there is enough for me.
So I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving, and finds something that they can be thankful for.

Another BFN (big FAT Negative)

I started spotting today. AF is on the way. I knew our odds of getting pregnant with an iui were low, but I really had hope. This seems to sting more than ever. I am starting to feel like I will never have another child. That our miracle daughter will never have a sibling. She will never know that unconditional sibling love that my husband and myself are so lucky to have. I never thought that she would be an only child. Not like that is the end of the world or anything, its just not my plan. I guess what I have learned through all of this is, my plan doesnt matter. God obviously has another one for us.

I dont know where this leaves us. I do know that I wont be going back to our RE anytime soon. I am done with doctors. I have no faith in them right now. I am just sad and tired. I am not at the point however, that I am ok with not having another baby. I dont feel like I will ever be complete without that. I feel bad saying that, because I couldnt ask for a better husband or daughter. I am very grateful for them . My daughter seems like more of a miracle every day. My husband is a breath of fresh air, he can make me smile anytime, and for that brief moment, I forget about all of this. That is a gift. I have a wonderful life, thats why I want to share it with another child so badly.

I guess I will have to wait and see.